Happy Wednesday, literate County Line patrons. Thanks for joining us again this morning.
We’re two days past Independence Day now, and everyone has presumably resumed their ordinary weekly routine by this point. That doesn’t mean the America-themed celebrations have ceased, however, it just means they’ve gone underground.
We’re just now entering the sixth day of July, but we’ve had a whole host of faux holidays fly under the radar while we—correctly, I believe—have mostly paid attention to the real deal Fourth of July. Today, the wannabes get their moment in the spotlight.
First, the monthlies: July is National Ice Cream Month, National Picnic Month, and Berry Month. As a tribute to Ice Cream Month, we can only assume, July 1 was National Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day, a date it had to share with National Gingersnap Day. We love so many foods they have to share dates!
Fourth of July Eve was dedicated to both National Chocolate Wafers Day and National Eat Your Beans Day (we hope those who observed these on July 3 did not attempt to enjoy both at the same time). The food holidays couldn’t even leave the Fourth alone. While you were watching fireworks and eating grilled cheeseburgers, you missed out on National Barbequed Spareribs Day AND National Ceasar Salad Day. July 5 was the day for both apple turnovers and graham crackers.
As you can see, these are all food related, but really, what’s more American than nonsense fake holidays dedicated to gluttony? Well, there is one thing, so please join me on this quick tangent:
Monday during the annual Nathans Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest, perennial favorite Joey Chestnut limped into the competition in a leg boot following surgery. He only recently recovered from COVID. If there were ever a time that Chestnut might falter, this was it.
It seemed that his effort was doomed when a protester in a Darth Vader mask stormed the stage and got all up in Chestnut’s personal hot-dog-devouring space. Chestnut—mid bite and already playing hurt—grabbed up the intruder, applied a chokehold, and threw the distraction to the ground. He then finished the contest, conquering 63 dogs in 10 minutes. The win was his 15th in 16 tries. This could be the most American thing ever done during peacetime. The only thing that could improve this story would be if I now revealed that Joey Chestnut was an actual bald eagle with an insatiable hunger for hot dogs. Regrettably, he is not.
He is however, an American treasure, and I can only imagine what people from other countries think when they read stories like this. I assume that they’re jealous.
This is the time to note that July is also National Hot Dog Month. What a time to be alive in the free world.
With that in mind, our Quote of the Day fittingly comes from one of our Founding Fathers, the most famous non-president of them all (at least until Lin-Manuel Miranda shoved Alexander Hamilton down everyone’s throat). We’re talking about Ben Franklin, and we went deep into the archives for this one:
“In general, mankind, since the improvement of cookery, eats twice as much as nature requires.”
Twice as much? How quaint. I ate an entire pizza yesterday and wasn’t even trying to win any contest. If only Ben Franklin could see us now.
Let’s go to the intern for today’s weather:
Just after 7 a.m., it’s currently 77 degrees already outside The County Line’s main office in Russell Springs. Reports from Jamestown are an identical 77, and it’s even warmer in Columbia, at 81 degrees and rising. Today is going to be a scorcher, with a high topping 95. Expect occasional thunderstorms throughout the day.
That’s all for now—thanks for reading. Check back throughout the day for additional content, surely better than what you’re currently reading, and always from local voices.
