Home Featured April 7: A faux-holiday Fab Five

April 7: A faux-holiday Fab Five

A true Fab Five of nonsense holidays on an otherwise mundane Thursday

The calendar says today is April 7, 2022. It’s Thursday, and a little after 6 a.m., it’s dark, cold, and gloomy. Today is downright mundane just viewing it for face value, but if we look a little deeper, we’ve got some things going on. 

Devoted readers know that this morning column has made it a point to recognize the most obscure holidays possible (and a few that are not or should not be so obscure). Some days, there are a couple options that get whittled down to one, and sometimes, we’ll even give a shout-out to the runner up. Today, for the first time ever, we have five that made the cut.

Today is: National Burrito Day, National Beer Day, National Coffee Cake Day, National Support Teen Literacy Day, and National No Housework Day. A true Fab Five if there ever were one. Let’s break it down. 

Burritos and Beer

I’m lumping these two together because there’s no argument necessary. Not for everyone, sure, but the universal popularity cannot be denied. These are definitely faux-holiday worthy.

Coffee Cake

This one might surprise some people, but hear me out. I’m not sure I’ve ever tasted coffee cake that could be classified as “homemade” in even the most generous of circumstances. I’ve only had the kind that come in a package from the gas station or dollar store. HOWEVER, Hostess coffee cakes are kind of unbelievable compared to almost everything else the brand produces in that price range. From a strictly aesthetic standpoint, they reign supreme over anything Little Debbie could ever bake. These are the kinds of cheap snacks that they’d serve on fancy trays to trick people into thinking they’re a delicacy on some crass reality show. Maybe this is the Ray Jackson of this particular Fab Five, but somebody has to play the role.

Teen Literacy

This is without a doubt the worthiest cause of the five today, as literacy, reading, and the love of learning all go hand-in-hand to inspire young people to become the creatives, the leaders, and the problem solvers who will one day run the world. All of us at The County Line want to do our part to promote literacy and the love of reading — and not only because our business literally depends on it. Look out for book review and recommendation columns coming soon. 

No Housework

With all due respect to literacy, this is the C-Webb of our holiday lineup. That’s almost underselling it. This is C-Webb if he never called the timeout. 

This author is not the kind of husband who doesn’t do any housework, but “more than he’d like” and “probably still not his fair share” would both be accurate descriptions here. Everyone should be able to get behind this one. That mess isn’t going anywhere — get after it a little harder tomorrow.

Today’s weather

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s look at the intern’s weather report:

At 6 a.m., it’s 45 degrees and still dark at The County Line headquarters (Russell Springs). Intern correspondent at the Adair County branch reports that it’s just a little warmer in north Columbia at 46 degrees right outside the office. The high today is in the upper 50s across the Adair-Russell coverage area. There’s a low chance of precipitation later this evening, but it will be cloudy all day.

Today’s birthdays

We’re sending out two special HAPPY BIRTHDAYs today. First of all, we’re wishing a good one to Daniel Marcum. This is a man who once kept a whole generation of boys out of trouble as the youth director at Columbia Baptist Church in the late-90s/early 2000s, a truly Herculean task. He refereed more unpaid, fight-prone pickup basketball games than any man should ever have to, and he deserves a blessed day.

Last but not least, we send wishes for a fantastic day to Robin Willis Hill. Robin, a Columbia girl who’s lived in Texas for the past few decades, is this author’s aunt and — if her Facebook account is any indication — one of this site’s most loyal readers. Here’s a “Happy Birthday” for you Robin, from the Commonwealth to the Lone Star State.  

In case you’ve missed it, we’re running a free promotion this month to give one lucky reader free car washes for an entire year, courtesy of our friends at Splash Carswash. All you have to do is follow this link and comment with your birthday. Add a spouse’s birthday and/or anniversary to double your chances of winning!

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Wes Feese is one of this company's owners and founders. He has previously worked as an editor, news reporter, sportswriter, photographer, and freelance contributor for newspapers across central Kentucky. He grew up in the Egypt community of Adair County and is a graduate of Adair County High School and Lindsey Wilson College.