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Morning jokes to kick off Adair Drug Tuesday

We made it through Monday! A new day is upon us, ladies and gents. Thanks for rising and shining with The County Line and Adair Drug this fine morning. 

That’s right, it’s time to start another Adair Drug Tuesday. The good people at 510 Burkesville Street in Columbia not only serve your pharmacy needs—they help keep us in business. Another thing they do is boast an all-time easy to remember phone number: (270) 384-9999.

As always—Adair Drug must share a piece of the Tuesday spotlight, at least for this morning post. Aug. 16, 2022 featured many wannabe holidays vying for the honor. Quantity trumped quality, a few had compelling cases, but only one would win. 

The calendar indicates that the following, allegedly-national holidays are (theoretically) recognized today: Rum Day, Roller Coaster Day, Authenticity Day, Independent Worker Day, and Energy Multiplier Day. Furthermore—and I can’t believe this one hasn’t blown up yet—it’s National Backflow Prevention Day, which is surely on the fast track to the Christmas-slash-Thanksgiving tier. In the end though, these jokers lost out to a candidate that at least has the self-awareness to know it’s a joke.

Happy National Tell a Joke Day. 

We’re marching on admittedly familiar ground here. Several weeks ago, I made the case for International Joke Day achieving real—or at least better-known—holiday status. Here we are again, celebrating International Joke Day’s more clumsily-named little brother. 

When I wrote the column linked in the paragraph above, I closed it out with some of my favorite Mitch Hedberg jokes. In the spirit of freshness, I must do something totally different here.

Just kidding. That column was fun, and Hedberg’s jokes were way better than anything I could write. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it—we’re going back to the well one more time. The only difference is that I won’t use Hedberg jokes. Instead, the light shines on two other one-liner virtuosos, the late Bob Monkhouse and the still-alive Gary Delaney. 

Without further ado, our Quote of the Day is a reader’s pick, with the choices carefully curated for The County Line’s esteemed audience:

“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” – Bob Monkhouse

“When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they’re not laughing now.” – Bob Monkhouse

“Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?” – Bob Monkhouse

“I bought my nephew a caterpillar cake without checking the best before date, so now he’s got a butterfly cake.” – Gary Delaney

“I just bought Spiderman pajamas. I hope he likes them.” – Gary Delaney

“People have accused me of bearing grudges and I know who they are, all of them.” – Gary Delaney

“Any restaurant is a drive-thru if you have a tank.” – Gary Delaney

Hopefully, that was as fun for you as it was for me. Let’s check with the intern for today’s weather report:

At 6:30 a.m., it’s 65 degrees outside The County Line headquarters in Russell Springs. Intern correspondents report an identical 65 reading in Jamestown and it’s just a tick warmer in Columbia, where the thermometer registers 66 at the company’s Adair County office. Expect partly to mostly cloudy skies, with a daytime high near 80 degrees. 

This morning check-in is dedicated to Alex Antle, who celebrates another trip around the sun this National Tell a Joke Day. We hope her birthday is full of laughs, the best one yet. Thanks for reading and check back throughout the day as Adair Drug Tuesday rolls on. More content is on the way, including the continuing Fall Sports Preview series.

This post is brought to you as part of Adair Drug Tuesday.

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Wes Feese is one of this company's owners and founders. He has previously worked as an editor, news reporter, sportswriter, photographer, and freelance contributor for newspapers across central Kentucky. He grew up in the Egypt community of Adair County and is a graduate of Adair County High School and Lindsey Wilson College.